EBP love to show that they are well-connected. What better way to show this than by “pulling strings?” This ability has become a rite of passage for most EBPs.

It usually begins during a casual conversation with a friend or new acquaintance. Someone will usually say they are looking for a job, trying to get their child into a pre-school, or wants to hire a white maid. The EBP usually say, “Oh, I have a guy that…… or, I went to school with a guy that…….” This baits you into their conversation. On the inside, the EBP is formulating how far this conversation will go. Yes, they may know someone that can help you, but really they haven’t talked to that person in months or years. However, this does not matter, the mere fact that they can say they know a person that can help you is validation of their EBP status. If they are pretending, they will ask you for your contact information and promise to make a few calls and get back to you. However, in reality, they won’t ever call or email you - it was all “smoke and mirrors.” You have just been sold a dream, so you might as well go through the proper channels to get what you want.

Now, if the EBP is actually on good terms with a person that can help you, they will say, “Hold on, let me step outside and make a call.” This means they actually know someone who can help. EBPs love to make a call! Once the phone call is finished, they will return to you grinning like the cat that swallowed the canary. This is because they have performed the ultimate EBP act. They have shown how connected and educated they are by knowing someone important and they have helped out a fellow BP. An extra 10 points for helping a WP, because most EBP don’t want to help WP, but they do it anyway to show off their EBP status and that they are better than them.

EBP love to not only feel important, but look the part as well. One way to show their elevated status to the world is by having a PDA accompanied with a Bluetooth device. Sure we all know that Bluetooths are marketed as a “hands-free” device in order to make talking on your cellular more convenient, but they also represent importance. Having a Bluetooth permanently fixated on your ear means “I am important and someone needs to reach me at all times, therefore I need to be available at all times.” EBP wear their Bluetooth devices everywhere: to dinner, to the gym, to the movies, while being photographed and during meetings at work. They are even worn on dates, giving the illusion that you are on a date with a very busy and desired VIP. The Bluetooth is a status symbol of continued success. If someone does call an EBP and they are busy (i.e. eating dinner, taking a test, or changing their clothes in the dressing room), they will promptly say “I’ll call you back.” This too signifies that they are busy, busy, busy! The EBP also gets pleasure in saying “I don’t know who this is, let me take this call” and put someone else on hold when they are talking on their Bluetooth, which continues to demonstrate their status.

What is the Bluetooth without the accompanying PDA? These personal devices scream that they are the ultimate EBP who is very successful and important. They are often too big to continually hold to your ear to have a conversation, so the Bluetooth is almost standard with these devices. EBP take pleasure in pulling out their large devices and acting like they are doing something important on it to demonstrate their success. Even if they are checking the weather or their Face book or My Space page, the poking around on the flip up QWERT keyboard, or using their Blackberry pen to “write a digital note” it makes them look busy, and of course important. The onlooker looks in envy at the device wishing they too could be so connected. It’s especially great when someone needs a quick answer to something that could be found on the web, or know when a meeting is, and the EPB can whip out their PDA and say “I’ll just check my phone.” The EPB looks organized and ready to go!

Don’t assume though that the EPB is actually talking to someone just because they have their Bluetooth on. You can start a conversation with them if you see them wearing their Bluetooth. Just note that the conversation may not last long and soon you may hear an “excuse me” and with the push of their finger they’ll answer the phone with their Bluetooth. Don’t be offended. It just goes with the territory of being an important EPB.

–submitted by Tanisha

EBPs love to be "the exception." There is no better way to separate themselves from regular BP, than by an EBP’s choice of footwear. The deck shoe or boating shoe is very popular in the EBP community. Most EBP prefer the Sperry brand of deck shoe.

EBPs love wearing their deck shoes with shorts, khakis, or seersucker pants. The shoes complete the ultimate EBP weekend look. However, this look confuses most WP. It says to WP that this EBP must be going out on a WP’s yacht because no black person could own his own yacht. As the WP thinks more about the EBP in deck shoes, he wonders if the EBP is being forced onto the yacht. This is because WP think most blacks hate the water and/or do not know how to swim. My statistics show that for every black person that can swim, there are the same number of WP that can dance. So, only a small number of BP enjoy the water; and they are mostly EBPs .

Deck shoes also provide an alternative to those athletic slippers or "house shoes" so many UEBP wear in public. The ones with a large velcro strap that are worn with athletic socks. When rushing out to the market, an EBP can easily slip on deck shoes, as they coordinate with any ensemble, to keep from looking like an UEBP who wears these slippers in public.

EBPs love deck shoes because wearing them allows them to remain prepared. An EBP never knows when their boss or co-worker will call them on a yachting emergency, so they must remain fully dressed at all times. However, most EBPs who wear deck shoes will never step foot on a boat while wearing them; well maybe Al from Bay Shore, but he’s the ultimate exception.

We Educated Black People LOVE to give our children names that show that “we’ve arrived!”

Names that won’t leave the teacher guessing where the accent should be.  Names that don’t necessarily reveal the child’s race like Nina(often times followed by Simone), Melanie, Noah(many are huge fans), Drew, Aiden, Nile and Gavin.  Gone is the day where Shaquan, De’Ja-nae and LaPonicah reign supreme.   

Although we’re not too crazy about unusual spellings, we love giving our girls masculine names with a twist like Ryann, Alexx and Jordyn.  Last names as first names?  We like those too,for boys and girls, like Riley, Reid and Madison.  These names also work very well with the ever popular initial as the first name. 

There are a growing number of EB’s that, on occasion, throw in ”ethnic” names like Kesi, Nadirah and Akil(nothing too over the top; that also goes for Biblical places for names like Judah and Eden) but they’re seldom used as first names.  Heavens no.  The EBP reserves those names for that ever popular SECOND middle name; you know, the one that is seldom used.

It starts with their first born.  Be it the first name as an initial, middle name and last name or the afore mentioned first name, middle, 2nd middle and last name.  To keep up the trend with the second born, the child will either share the 3 initials of his sibling, both children will have a 2nd middle name or their first names will share the same letter.  Many EB’s are moving away from naming their son’s junior.  It’s better to have a Nathan Montgomery Edwards, II than to have a Nate or Monty, Jr. as those names wouldn’t read well on the birth announcement written of course in Bradley Hand ITC or Calligraphy.   

—-submitted by JaBe

There appears to be several lawyers who read this blog, so I’m sure they’ll really appreciate this post. It is also a self-congratulatory message for myself. If some of you don’t like, I don’t care if you complain or allege the post is weak.

For those EBP who manage to survive law school, graduation comes with feelings of mixed emotions. Of course they are happy to be done with the 3 year ass whipping that is law school, but are also dreading the preparation to study for the Bar exam.

During the time when an EBP is studying for the Bar, they will not be visible to their social circle, unless it consists of other EBP studying for the Bar. Many of you may not even know your EBP friend is studying for the Bar. There is good reason for this. An EBP will not tell many people that he/she is studying for the Bar, because the next thing out of the other person’s mouth will be, “When are the results coming out?” I hated that question. It’s like saying, “Let me know, so I can talk about you behind your back if you fail.”

In contrast, once an EBP has passed the Bar, all hell breaks out. Everybody in the world will know. It will be in theie status on Facebook, AIM or whatever instant message program they use. If you know an EBP who took the Bar and passed, you will probably be part of a mass text message informing you of their passing. The pastor will announce it in church and their parents will call every relative they hate or never talked to, to rub it in their faces.

The pressure will now be on for the new attorney to wear business attire everyday and distribute business cards to every person they meet. Don’t talk about them though, they deserve to relish in the glory for a while. However, if they’re still doing a little too much after a month or so, tell them to give it a rest.

All educated black people loathe speaking about work away from the office. They prefer to only do so while on the clock, so they are compensated for their bitching. There is one exception, though.

This is when educated black people take the opportunity to analogize slavery. Ask an educated black person how work is going and you’re guaranteed one of two responses: the why-would-you-ever-ask-this-question, two-word response, “It’s work” or “They’re working me like a slave.”

If said educated black person is having an extremely tough day, the EBP will add an adjective to slave and say “they’re working me like a Hebrew slave.” Be wary of further questioning. This will breech a levee, and lead to said black person comparing their offices to plantations and their bosses to slave masters.

This is because all educated black people feel a sincere link to their oppressed descendants who would not die on slave ships. Educated black people, for good reason, will not allow themselves or white people, no matter how much they want, to forget the ills of slavery.

There isn’t one educated black person who won’t compare the NFL, its owners, upper management and the black players who make the system go, accordingly.

EBP also enjoy drawing comparisons between how they were separated as house and field negroes during slavery and how it still affects their people today. Most people don’t even know that CP time is really an analogous term derived from slavery. Ah, you thought the acronym was “colored people.” Learn your history. It is “cotton-picking” time.

The ties don’t stop with these simplistic thoughts. There are books written entirely around this idea including Forty Million Dollar Slaves by William C. Rhoden of The New York Times (a read we recommend).

This though, is yet another topic a white person should never introduce to an educated black person. Don’t apologize for slavery either, doing so is akin to telling us about your one black friend or saying Cornel and Kanye West look like alike.

—-submitted by Damon S. (he also designed the nice header on our page)

Educated Black People like foreign cars. Something about the undergraduate degree just makes American made cars inadequate. Now, the type of B.A. determines where the foreign car is from. Any Liberal Arts degree is automatically a Japanese Import (with a heavy affinity towards the Honda Accord). Science or engineering degrees are not as simple. Sometimes these degrees can go for “near luxury”brands like Lexus, Acura and Infiniti (which again are all Japanese imports that are made by Toyota, Honda and Nissan respectively, but they cost a lot more). Occasionally, the science or engineering degree holder will break tradition and get a German import, which all EBPs know, are typically reserved for those with a Master’s Degree. The EBP who obtain J.D., M.D. and PhD. are only comfortable driving Italian made cars (Porsche) or English made (Jaguar, Range Rover). The EBP foreign car love starts in Japan and works its way west. As they hand out the diploma, they should also hand out a map that says “your next car should come from here”.

Note: The Cadillac Escalade, Lincoln Navigator and Hummer are all American made, but popularized by entertainers and athletes. Occasionally, an EBP will get one of these to emulate the (uneducated rapper/actor/athlete) and will be talked about by his fellow EBPs.

–submitted by D.West

EBP have the same problems as UEBP or WP. However, EBP take pride in hiding their drama from friends or co-workers. By allowing their drama to be brought into public light, EBP appear nothing more than the UEBP stereotypes portrayed by the media. Whether it be man problems, problems at work or catty-chick stuff; EBP will go to great lengths to protect their polished EBP public appearance. For there is nothing more embarrassing than to have an irate “ex” or co-worker scream or shout at the EBP in a public place. It is important to note that the EBP wants to shout back or fight, but that would make him/her an UEBP and destroy his EBP status.

So what does an EBP do when confronted with drama in public? He or she walks away in disgust. There is nothing more “educated” than to not give any response to such comments. If there is an audience of WP or AP, they will immediately comfort the EBP and congratulate him or her for remaining calm, because that’s exactly what they would have done. The EBP will respond by saying the irate person has mental problems and probably didn’t take their medicine today.

However, on the inside, the EBP is truly hurt. How could someone attempt to ruin his EBP status with their loud rantings? Soon after the confrontation, the EBP will begin seeing a psychologist or therapist, if he isn’t already. This will allow the EBP to let out his true feelings without being judged by an audience. This is a difficult thing for the EBP to do, because it is likely that the therapist is a white male. The EBP wants to get out his feelings, but it is difficult to air your dirty laundry without thinking the therapist is judging you. However, this feeling is soon lost when the EBP realizes that his is paying hundreds of dollars to not be judged.

Drama is a big part of the lives of EBP, but most of the public will never know.

After moving to Atlanta in droves, EBP will discover their new found love and desire for gated communities. The average EBP is very familiar with gated communities; whether they grew up with a gate at the front of their neighborhood or went to an HBCU such as Hampton or Howard University that was equipped with a security guard as well.

Not only is this neighborhood feature the pièce de résistance to a newly purchased townhome, gated communities allow EBP to protect their homes and possessions from the downtrodden and unwanted. EBP understand that “regular,” open communities are for UEBP that don’t understand the importance of standing out.

With the unfortunate popularity of urban gentrification in just about every major city, EBP look for gated communities when house hunting as it is a must. EBP that may not currently live in a gated community will make it a top priority amenity when they move to their next home. Even EBP that are renting apartments look for gated access when apartment hunting. When discussing a newly purchased townhome, “Is it gated?” will be one of the first questions asked by an EBP. If you are an EBP and your friend, colleague or associate does not ask “Is it gated?” within the first five minutes of the conversation, beware. They may be an UEBP in disguise.

EBP take great pleasure in surprising their guests with access codes that they are privy to only upon arrival. When attending an event where other EBP will probably be overdressed for a simple game night, EBP also find acting unaware of who you are and why you want access when you finally reach the gate. EBP’s faces light up with elation when their out of town friends visit for the first time and see that they are established – gated community and all.

-submitted by JEA

Educated Black People like to march — and not marching band marching; that’s for EBP-in-training. The march has to be political or for a cause for EBP to get involved. Marching makes EBP feel connected to their roots, pledge solidarity with “Black Folks” and proves their dedication to “The Black Community.” It really doesn’t matter what March they attend — the Selma March, the Birmingham March, the Million Man March, the Millions More Movement, the March of Dimes — so long as they make it to “The March.”

This especially holds true for the elite cadre of EBP called “Black Leaders.” In fact, marching is the sole authenticating requisite for being EBP. You spot an EBP-imposter simply by asking what march they attended, when it was and in what city. (Extra brownie points for having attended multiple marches.) If said Black person trips up on any of those questions, they’re either not black enough, not educated enough or both.

Further, an EBP can only be a “Black Leader” if he or she “Marched With King.” Anything short of that — even if he or she marched with Rosa Parks — is a dis-qualifier for “Black Leader”-ship.

Educated Black People also like marches because they know this is the closest they will ever get to their “Black Elected Officials” and other “Black Leaders.” EBP who’ve written, e-mailed and text-messaged their “Black Elected Officials” for months finally get to press the fresh (ahem) with them at “The March.” This is sometimes difficult for EBP because normally the “Black Elected Officials” are at “The March” trying to get close to the “Special Invited White Elected Official” — the BEO needs this as a photo-op. Coincidentally though, the “Special Invited White Elected Official” is at “The March” trying to get close to the “Black Folks,” who also are milked for photo-ops, or so the White official can lay claim to being the “First Black [Enter Position of Power Usually Exclusively Reserved for White Men Here].” Paradoxically, the “Black Folks” are, in turn, usually at “The March” to get close to the EBP, most of whom are friends and family members who left the “Black Folks” for college and haven’t seen them since.

Politicians and pastors of the EBP ilk especially like “The March” because it gives them the opportunity to show they are doing something about problems in “The Black Community.” A Black mayor feels he can’t actually do anything about rising crime rates. But, his or her appearance at “The March” absolves him or her of any responsibility for it, while keeping their EBP status in tact. A Black preacher — even educated ones — knows he or she can’t do anything about the alarming rises in HIV/AIDS rates, but staging a “March Against AIDS” from their church to City Hall further deifies his or her presence in “The Black Community.”

It never really dawns on EBP that all the money they spend on gas, plane tickets, hotel stays, restaurants and the convention (see post #6) accompanying “The March,” could better be applied to social services that address poverty, AIDS, crime, education and any other political cause “The March” is for. For EBP, that’s not money well spent. There’s no guarantee they’ll get a return on that kind of investment. But spending that money with Delta, Southwest, Hilton, Red Lobster and Exxon will assure them more bonus reward points on their credit cards.

EBP also prefer commemorative marches, where the actual marching distance is but a fraction of the original march they are commemorating. Anything farther than 500 feet is not a march to EBP; that’s a marathon, and just a cursory glance at EBP’s track records will show that they’re not actually in it for the long run. Besides, there’s only so much marching that can be done in Cole Haan loafers and Jimmy Choo high heels (See Post #15).

Lastly, there’s nothing EBP like more than going to “The March,” only to go home and talk about the Un-Educated Black People (See # 13) who didn’t show up for “The March.” It’s normally of no revelation to EBP that WBP (Working-class Black People) didn’t make it to “The March” … because they had to work.

—submitted by Be Mocke